Me Vs. God? Vs. Myself

The war inside of us is being waged.  The war between believing and not believeing accepting god or calling him the bastard that he is.  This duality is who we are.  We will never fully accept or deny.  There will always be an itch that vulnerability passing the blame passing the buck out of sight out of mind.  Its in this struggle I realize that I am a mere mortal, flesh and blood, I am no more a vestle of spirituality or a hoast of salvation as anyone else and i won't pretend like I am.  But I, like everyone else exist in a world filled with symbols, where nothing is what it seems.

Concentrating on falling apart

In this world where nothing seems real where nothing is what it seems in this world where we cry ourselvs to sleep where we would give anything to escape where we do anything to escape.  In this world we are all alone.  Alone and left to deal with ourselvs.  In the dark and left with nothing but our thoughts, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, our faliures, our miseries.  When were left with nothing its the red ink that stains this page that we have left.  We are all on a quest, on a journey.  We are all on the front battling our demons.  We are all stuck in the same wasteland.  The wasteland between being born and the day you die.

Quotes I quote too often...or not enough

"I wonder how much of their lives people waste crying and praying to god"- United States of Leland

"I think i'm a broken person.  I serioulsy question the road my life has taken and I endlessly rehash the compromises I have made in my life"- Douglas Coupland

"...its scarry to feel you emotions floating away and just not caring"- Douglas Coupland

 

Mourned but not Missed

The last time I saw you we traded insults

And eventhought I loved you I dare not say it

I kept my secrets my defeats

For the past two years you've been away

breaking hearts and meeting new lovers along the way...

At least thats what they say

Now your back and what am I to do? 

I'm in love with another and i still think of you

But if my silly poem could rearrange the alphabet i'd put U and I together forever, the way it should have been

The Stopwatch Sequence

Time is of the essence, your long since forgotten fragrance, gunpowder and cigarets, the things broken hearts are made of

Time is of the essence, my long since forgotten presence, quiet and collected with storms in my eyes

I thought I loved you, but what I loved was the thought of loving you

So take all those snapshots of heaven, the ones I held dear

and replace them with all your fake tears

Because in retrospect all you were was something warm to hold on to

When two become one

The desperation in our lives will melt your tears away,  disintigration is just the begining but together we will rise from the ashes, the phoenix of distruction, a diamond in the ruff

The web of lies we spin will suffocate our love

The face of lovers

Are but masks that we wear

You implore emty hearts

And leave their chests bare

The Twisted lives of lovers

That were neve really there

And the face of this lover is anything but a mask

Its the life, love, and everafter of a honeymoon pair