The sweetest dreams...have murdered me

As this tale of tragedy and woe unfold into utter boredom know that prolific writers are the poster childs of perversion and insanity, so before you crucify me and castrate my soul know that I am sorry for writing this and exposing the truth because, lets face it we love to loath our lives and we'd love to live our lies.

This blank page reflects my empty soul.  My tales of woe and tragedy have been translated into nothing?  Into something?  the translation that transcends.  Parasite to host.  Pay it foreward.  And now i'm empty inside until it returns to me with the battle scars of love and death, burned and bruised, torn and freyed.  But for now I will wait the empty vestle until we are reunited like lovers lost at war.

As close to an explation as your gonna get

So we're set up to fail, What the fuck was that all about you say?!  Well I was talking to a friend and the topic of amounting more than your parents ever did came up.  And It was interesting because in essence thats what all parents want, is for their children to do better than they did.  But what if your bill gates kid or a hilton, i mean then its like, where do we go from here?  Sometimes the bar is set so high that faliure is inevitable.  Almost like your reason for existance is to fail.  Its kind of tragic.  So the i started thinking maybe the whole point isn't to to be financially better off or anything like that but rather to learn more than they did and to experience more than they did.  To gain more wisdom earlier and have it last longer.  So if i fail you mom, dad if i can't take care of you in your old age im sorry, so sorry but the fact of the matter is I know more at 18 then you did when you had me.  And i'm sorry i'm a fuck up and....well maybe i won't ammount to anything but at least i have experienced more than some and I may be set up to fail but in all honesty failure never looked so good!

...better run run run, run away

...We're set up to fail

If sad songs sink ships then the smiths sank the titanic

If what they say is true.  If home is where the heart is then i'm fucked!  home and everything it stands for is gone.  For me.  The difference betwen a house and a home, being loved and being alone.  If home is where you make it then my home is stained red and lives in these pages.  In these stained, torn, used pages I am myself.  In these pages being ugy, and a fuck up, and alone, and an asshole don't seem so bad.  In these pages I can live.  In these pages I find My salvation.

[Insert catchy one liner here______]

And like a wave without warning it comes: love, hate, passion, sorrow.  White, cold, fast.  A wave of misplaced thoughts and meaningless feelings.  Death distruction, the end of days.  I want it all.  I want to walk in the acid rain as the world comes crashing down.  I wan't it to was over me.  I wan't to be submerged and baptised by all the things you hate and I hold dear.  I want to be detached, plucked, white, cold fast.  I wan't to roam in the empty nights with the dreams of the forgotten. 

Me Vs. God? Vs. Myself

The war inside of us is being waged.  The war between believing and not believeing accepting god or calling him the bastard that he is.  This duality is who we are.  We will never fully accept or deny.  There will always be an itch that vulnerability passing the blame passing the buck out of sight out of mind.  Its in this struggle I realize that I am a mere mortal, flesh and blood, I am no more a vestle of spirituality or a hoast of salvation as anyone else and i won't pretend like I am.  But I, like everyone else exist in a world filled with symbols, where nothing is what it seems.