As close to an explation as your gonna get

So we're set up to fail, What the fuck was that all about you say?!  Well I was talking to a friend and the topic of amounting more than your parents ever did came up.  And It was interesting because in essence thats what all parents want, is for their children to do better than they did.  But what if your bill gates kid or a hilton, i mean then its like, where do we go from here?  Sometimes the bar is set so high that faliure is inevitable.  Almost like your reason for existance is to fail.  Its kind of tragic.  So the i started thinking maybe the whole point isn't to to be financially better off or anything like that but rather to learn more than they did and to experience more than they did.  To gain more wisdom earlier and have it last longer.  So if i fail you mom, dad if i can't take care of you in your old age im sorry, so sorry but the fact of the matter is I know more at 18 then you did when you had me.  And i'm sorry i'm a fuck up and....well maybe i won't ammount to anything but at least i have experienced more than some and I may be set up to fail but in all honesty failure never looked so good!

...better run run run, run away

...We're set up to fail

If sad songs sink ships then the smiths sank the titanic

If what they say is true.  If home is where the heart is then i'm fucked!  home and everything it stands for is gone.  For me.  The difference betwen a house and a home, being loved and being alone.  If home is where you make it then my home is stained red and lives in these pages.  In these stained, torn, used pages I am myself.  In these pages being ugy, and a fuck up, and alone, and an asshole don't seem so bad.  In these pages I can live.  In these pages I find My salvation.

[Insert catchy one liner here______]

And like a wave without warning it comes: love, hate, passion, sorrow.  White, cold, fast.  A wave of misplaced thoughts and meaningless feelings.  Death distruction, the end of days.  I want it all.  I want to walk in the acid rain as the world comes crashing down.  I wan't it to was over me.  I wan't to be submerged and baptised by all the things you hate and I hold dear.  I want to be detached, plucked, white, cold fast.  I wan't to roam in the empty nights with the dreams of the forgotten. 

Me Vs. God? Vs. Myself

The war inside of us is being waged.  The war between believing and not believeing accepting god or calling him the bastard that he is.  This duality is who we are.  We will never fully accept or deny.  There will always be an itch that vulnerability passing the blame passing the buck out of sight out of mind.  Its in this struggle I realize that I am a mere mortal, flesh and blood, I am no more a vestle of spirituality or a hoast of salvation as anyone else and i won't pretend like I am.  But I, like everyone else exist in a world filled with symbols, where nothing is what it seems.

Concentrating on falling apart

In this world where nothing seems real where nothing is what it seems in this world where we cry ourselvs to sleep where we would give anything to escape where we do anything to escape.  In this world we are all alone.  Alone and left to deal with ourselvs.  In the dark and left with nothing but our thoughts, our hopes, our dreams, our fears, our faliures, our miseries.  When were left with nothing its the red ink that stains this page that we have left.  We are all on a quest, on a journey.  We are all on the front battling our demons.  We are all stuck in the same wasteland.  The wasteland between being born and the day you die.

Quotes I quote too often...or not enough

"I wonder how much of their lives people waste crying and praying to god"- United States of Leland

"I think i'm a broken person.  I serioulsy question the road my life has taken and I endlessly rehash the compromises I have made in my life"- Douglas Coupland

"...its scarry to feel you emotions floating away and just not caring"- Douglas Coupland

 

Mourned but not Missed

The last time I saw you we traded insults

And eventhought I loved you I dare not say it

I kept my secrets my defeats

For the past two years you've been away

breaking hearts and meeting new lovers along the way...

At least thats what they say

Now your back and what am I to do? 

I'm in love with another and i still think of you

But if my silly poem could rearrange the alphabet i'd put U and I together forever, the way it should have been

The Stopwatch Sequence

Time is of the essence, your long since forgotten fragrance, gunpowder and cigarets, the things broken hearts are made of

Time is of the essence, my long since forgotten presence, quiet and collected with storms in my eyes

I thought I loved you, but what I loved was the thought of loving you

So take all those snapshots of heaven, the ones I held dear

and replace them with all your fake tears

Because in retrospect all you were was something warm to hold on to

When two become one

The desperation in our lives will melt your tears away,  disintigration is just the begining but together we will rise from the ashes, the phoenix of distruction, a diamond in the ruff