an open letter

This is an open letter to longing and loneliness and compulsion and to her and the other and to you.  Its dizzying, love, and when i do i talk myself out of it.  I talk myself out of whatever im feeling for anyone at any given point.  I try to stay nutral and i say things that i mean but i mean them out of impulse.  I say things to kill the loneliness even if its just for a second.  And I wish things came true and things worked out the way i wanted them to but then again so does everyone else.  If things were easy there would be no point no mystery.  But then again im sick of playing this game.  I want out.  I want it to end.  I want to find someone I can tolerate and maybe even love and end the game.  I want to kill the compulsion and the things we do and say to get ourselvs through the night.  I want you to be able to feel what i say and what I do and what i mean.  And when I say im sorry I want you to know that if I could i'd take away everything sad you've ever felt.  And i know that she'll never love me and sometimes its not so bad she just becomes a thought and a lingering feeling something to kill the loneliness.  But when i think about her touch and her face and her smile...then i just want it all to end.  So i'll look at whats left and take my last gasping breath and hope my heart stops beating because after this theres no looking back.  i have become the broken lighthouse who no longer sends the singnal.  I have become that broken person.  And it will all be crystalized in regret sooner or later but i think for now we'll just the chips fall where they may and you can go ahead and try to picl up the pices but im done with that im done trying.

Vacancy

The vacant pleasantries of our unwound existence have woven time and death together in a spider web of lies.  All we know is but what we hope is true.  And truth for that matter is a mere reflex of what we've been trained to think.  Truth has no barring on the real world.  No one wants truth we want to flourish in our lies.  Lies of being handsome, wealthy...lies that will further us when truth can only hold us back.  And as the bright sun flourishes slightly clouded by haze so will my soul it will flourish slightly clouded by disgrace.  The empty loving feelings of a shell is all I have to offer.  So take me IM yours.  Vacancy

a poem about she

The rains refrain called back to us

It sang us our sins

It sang us our longing

It sang us everything we wanted but could never be

And the turbulent skies

Matched her gray eyes

Windows to a soul that will never be tamed

And I, her flawed suitor

Who had nothing to offer

AM LOST FOR WORDS…

So let’s have another drink

We can lick the salt from each others lips

And kiss away the regrets of our yesteryear

Dark Celebration

Heres the playlist for the untitled darkwave mixtape i made a while back.  I sent it to taina but i don't think she made it.  I decided I should post a few of the playlists so that you boys and girls at home can make and enjoy them yourselves...enjoy and let me know what you think

~Casey"The mixtape whore"...as christened by taina

DARK CELEBRATION   1. Depeche Mode- Precious 2. Depeche Mode- Policy of truth 3. Depeche Mode- World in my eyes 4. Dpeceche Mode- Enjoy the silence 5. Depeche Mode- Black Celebration 6. Bauhaus-Terror couple kill colonel 7. Bauhaus- in the flat field 8. Bauhaus- Bella Lugoisi's dead 9. Joy Division- Isolation 10.Joy Division- The eternal 11.Joy division- Decades 12.Idiot Pilot- The Violent Tango 13.Idiot Pilot- Lucid 14.The Church- Under The Milky way

I know im not a poet

These lucid dreams destroy all reality

And as I sit and write these words

I realize I write so that one day I may right my wrongs

And as these words progress,

Encapsulated in the eye of the storm

I think about you…whoever you may be,

And the day the world stops turning.

But until that day

The world will rage on

It will fulfill its destiny and mine,

Hidden in the clouds

Until the day the rain will bring it to the tips of our tongues

Until the day we are given the courage to speak our destiny

…And finally accept our lives for what they are.

framed in a doorway

"Yes Terrible things happen but sometimes, those terrible things- they save you."- Chuck palahniuk

"If you know a lot about the world that knowledge makes itslef plain on your face.  At first this can be a frightening thing to know, but you get used to it.  Somtimes it can be off-putting.  But i think its only off-putting to people who are worried that they themselves are learning too much too quickly.  Knowing too much about the world can make you unloving and maybe unloveable."- Douglas coupland

"And i thought about us...these children who fell down lifes cartoon holes.  Dreaming children, alive but not living- we emerged on the otherside of the cartoon holes fully awake...and discovering we were whole"- douglas coupland

Microserfs

"Shes heaven imagine loosing heaven"

"Your my baby now.  Your  a thousand diamonds- a handful of lovers rings- chalk for a million hopscotch games"

"Did you ever think that love wasn't going to happen to you?...pretty much...And when it did happen to you how did you feel?...Happy.  Then i got afraid that it would vanish as quickly as it came.  That it was accidental-that i didn't deserve it.  Its like this ver, very nice car crash that never ends."

strungout like christmas lights

"When we die these are the stories that stay on our lips.  The stories we'll only tell to strangers, sompleace private in the padded cell of midnight.  These important stories, we rehearse them in out heards for years but never tell.  These stories are ghosts, bringing people back from the dead.  Just for a moment.  For a visit.  Every story is a ghost."-Chuck palahniuk...haunted

A vodka enduced poem that you will probably hate

Memories of you

and these unfinished thoughts

have become to much to bare

the cold refrain

and the moon calling out,

calling out for the nights it watched over us

it saw your smile and like I wanted more

but where have you gone?

Where have you dissapeared?

deep in your heart where things go to die?!

But thats where you kept me wasn't it...

in your heart where i died

I was the drunk romantic who only thought he know about life and love

And you were the transparancies that projected what I always loved and wanted but could never have.