New Years Thoughts

Truth can always be found even in emptiness and despair.  The hard part is accepting it for what it really is.  We blind ourselves to the prospect of truth, to the answers that lie within the dark wonders of the soul.  It is much easier to live in this fictitious reality, but the day will come when you wake to darkness and what you believed is empty and gone.  And the day will come when you catch your reflection, in a mirror, on the back on a spoon, in a puddle and you realize how empty you really are.  A hollow cynic, an expert novice…a fabulous liar.  And you’ll ask yourself “Is this what I’ve become?” trapped in a lifestyle of solitary confinement.  All the drinks, all the bars…all the women, have equaled nothing.  All they have brought is an inherited sadness that has been documented in blood and bar tabs.  Strewn across pages of life.  I think of the ones I’ve really loved and how I was never able to tell them.  Always to scared of being crushed.  Scattered into a million pieces and hung in the night sky.  Branded a failure.  These words are written on the eve of a new year.  A day of alleged change, but will 24 hours make a difference?  Will they change these years of failure and solitude?  Or will all this elude me for an eternity?  Will I be doomed to lay awake at night and imagine myself in their embrace?  Or do people really change?  If only time can tell, then I hope it’s soon, because I’m running out. 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1….